So now we have been back home for about a month. We've had her first doctor appt, met both sets of grandparents and several sets of friends, been to the zoo, the library, the park, and shopping. Here's what we've learned:
1. Before we left we should have taken pictures of all the "places" we go during the week. Then we could have made a daily chart with pictures of what we were planning to do that day - it helps her to know what the plan is ahead of time so she knows what to expect. We just had to wing it, and mime a lot of stuff and explain things.
2. It helps her to have a couple of pictures of her foster parents and past life in her room, so she can pull them out once and a while to remember. It's sad because she tears up sometimes and nods her head when we ask "do you miss?" but it's good to be able to remember. I know this firsthand since I lost my mom at a young age...not talking about her was something a lot of people tried to do so they wouldn't upset me, but it just made it worse. So we just give her hugs and tell her it's ok to be sad.
3. Printing new pictures of our new family and showing them to Princess regularly helps her understand that we are making new memories together, and she always loves to go back through them.
4. There are a lot of things that she is behind in...but she's very smart and catches on to things very quickly. Doing chores, tying her shoes, riding a bike (with training wheels), learning letters and numbers in school are all new things, but with a little persistence and patience we've been able to see her make so much progress in the two months since she came into our family. She asks for a bike ride every night, and has gone from not being able to peddle or steer at all and not being strong enough to push the peddles, to doing it all by herself and going so fast I have to run next to her in two weeks!
5. She is growing so fast! She's gained probably 5 pounds, and grown a good 2 inches in the two months since we got her...maybe it's all the vitamins, kale chips and avocado pudding we're eating? Whatever it is, she's already outgrowing some of the clothes that were just falling off of her they were so big 2 months ago. This is good!
6. Chocolate makes everything better. No matter who is sad, mad, glad, or bad that day, my black bean chocolate brownies, or chocolate avocado pudding, or vegan sugar free chocolate chip cookies always cheer everyone up! (yes, I'm tricking them into eating healthy food. It's all part of my evil plan...mwah ha ha...) "Chokee-ott" is her favorite thing in the world...especially when she gets to help me cook and gets to lick the spoon!
7. Fixing hair, doing nails, dressing in dresses and little sparkly shoes and sharing lip gloss is even more fun than I thought it would be! I love fixing her hair in new ways every day, and either she really likes it or she's really good at humoring me.
8. Daddy is definitely the favorite. Being silly, cuddling, tickling and hugging are his specialties...and they were just the ticket when it came to getting Princess to warm up to him. She gravitates toward him more often than me, and spends more time with him during the day now that I'm back at work. But I have my special things I do with her like bike rides, girly stuff as mentioned in #7, bubble baths, reading and art, and cooking - and we have bonded through those things at least a little bit.
9. Favorite game - animal charades. I made little cards with different animals on them, and we take turns picking a card and acting and making sounds of that animal to get someone else to guess. This was a hit with the kids, especially when Monkey got the "Sugar Glider" card, and he flew off the couch with 'wings' and came over and licked my hand. Talk about hilarious. Princess did a great job with "Cat" and "Dog" too, and couldn't get enough of the game.
10. It's still hard. We have a lot of fun, get along very well, have special things we do together, and are pretty much back to our normal routine. But we are still working on connection...which is something we were totally prepared for and are eager to continue earning. It's tough to not really be hugged back, for grandparents to be unsure about how to interact, to not get a reaction out of anything without prompting for it, and to wonder what she is thinking because she doesn't talk very much. But we love her like our own anyway, and we know that she is a precious child of God that deserves every bit of love and attention that we can give her anyway. Even if she doesn't show it yet, I believe that someday I will get that big bear hug and the genuine "I love you mommy" and it will all be worth it. :) She's still my little girl and I'm enjoying every minute of the challenge.
